On the one hand, I'm getting everything I always dreamed of... in December went back to New Orleans, got promoted into position I've been working towards, and had almost given up hope. Payed off our credit cards and finally got my husband into house- fixing mode so we can sell it soon. In May, watched my third, and youngest child graduate from college, then took a trip to Seattle for our anniversary. Proud of my kids for completing their education, and thankful they are working in the fields they have always wanted. New job allowing to be at home more, and finally losing a little weight due to not eating out all the time, or munching in hotel rooms. Time to play bunco, volunteer at church, or just do nothing.
On the other hand, I'm still stressed and tired, and am overwhelmed with all this new job involves. Hard for me to relax, with so much on my mind. It's been a month now, and still not excercising, even though it would help with the stress levels, my energy and my aging, bulging physique. Still not cooking much; and my husband can't keep living on Taco Bell alone after work, even though I am happy with a yogurt or soup.
Got to remember that if "He brought me too it, He can get me through it". I do feel like I am right where God wants to me to be; and that his giving me my heart's desire. I knew there was going to be a big learning curve, but it is much harder than I thought. I know it is a process to learn it all, but WOW, hoping I am not feeling like this for 6 months.Thankful for a co-worker who had this position in the past, and is really helping me with some things,while she is overloaded herself in a new postition. It's that disciple thing coming up again, that I just can't seem to get. Need to be making myself stop working after 10 hrs max, and take some time for myself and my husband. He works long hours and weekends as a grocery store manager; and I need to be focusing on him when he is home, not working constantly.
Trying to only think of today and do what I can and be satisified, and not worry about all the things on my to do list, that I don't really know how to do. Trying not to fret over how long it taking to work on the house, and worrying that we won't get what we want for it. Trying to not worry that we won't be able to find a house on a wooded lot that's not too far to get to sales appointments, church and family, AND that we can afford to pay off in 10 years, so we can be done before my husband is 65. Then I worry that we will die young like both of our mother's, and all this work will be for naught.(Maybe we should just get a trailor by the lake).Trying not to worry about Matthew and Hannah in Guatemala for the summer, then moving to San Diego, where I will never see my future grandchildren. Trying not to worry about Kaitlin and Lige finding better jobs in the fall.
There, now I've said it... just when I thought I was satisified and not sweating the small stuff, and not being a worry wart.. here I go again! I guess He's still trying to teach this hard-headed woman something. It's still the one foot forward, two steps back progression of faith that everything will work out.
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