One step forward, two steps back....

On the one hand, I'm getting everything I always dreamed of... in December went back to New Orleans,  got promoted into position I've been working towards, and had almost given up hope. Payed off our credit cards and finally got my husband into house- fixing mode so we can sell it soon.  In May, watched my third, and youngest child graduate from college, then took a trip to Seattle for our anniversary. Proud of my kids for completing their education, and thankful they are working in the fields they have always wanted. New job allowing to be at home more, and finally losing a little weight due to not eating out all the time, or munching in hotel rooms. Time to play bunco, volunteer at church, or just do nothing.
On the other hand, I'm still stressed and tired, and am overwhelmed with all this new job involves. Hard for me to relax, with so much on my mind. It's been a month now, and still not excercising, even though it would help with the stress levels, my energy and my aging, bulging physique. Still not cooking much; and my husband can't keep living on Taco Bell alone after work, even though I am happy with a yogurt or soup.

 Got to remember that if "He brought me too it, He can get me through it". I do feel like I am right where God wants to me to be; and that his giving me my heart's desire. I knew there was going to be a big learning curve, but it is much harder than I thought. I know it is a process to learn it all, but WOW, hoping I am not feeling like this for 6 months.Thankful for a co-worker who had this position in the past, and is really helping me with some things,while she is overloaded herself in a new postition. It's that disciple thing coming up again, that I just can't seem to get.  Need to be making myself stop working after 10 hrs max, and take some time for myself and my husband. He works long hours and weekends as a grocery store manager; and I need to be focusing on him when he is home, not working constantly.

Trying to only think of today and do what I can and be satisified, and not worry about all the things on my to do list, that I don't really know how to do. Trying not to fret over how long it taking to work on the house, and worrying that we won't get what we want for it. Trying to not worry that we won't be able to find a house on a wooded lot that's not too far to get to sales appointments, church and family, AND that we can afford to pay off in 10 years, so we can be done before my husband is 65.  Then I worry that we will die young like both of our mother's, and all this work will be for naught.(Maybe we should just get a trailor by the lake).Trying not to worry about Matthew and Hannah in Guatemala for the summer, then moving to San Diego, where I will never see my future grandchildren. Trying not to worry about Kaitlin and Lige finding better jobs in the fall.

There, now I've said it... just when I thought I was satisified and not sweating the small stuff, and not being a worry wart.. here I go again! I guess He's still trying to teach this hard-headed woman something. It's still the one foot forward, two steps back progression of faith that everything will work out.

A Fresh Cup of Coffee

Why do I do it? Why, when I have a fresh pot of coffee right before me, do I keep reheating what's still in my cup- my own concoction? Adding a little, expecting it to be just as good. Do I do that in my spiritual life? Constantly diluting the plan of new life God has for me? Why can't I totally give up my old ways and quit trying to be in control all the time? Why won't I fully embrace the cup He wants to give me- listening and responding with obedience to what He tells me? Instead I have a sprinkle of bible study, not a daily priority and fight to focus on true worship and learning at church- sometimes falling into the habit of just " attending". Just food for thought, as you and I pour the next cup of coffee. Will we choose to drink in the full flavor of life the master barista has prepared for us today?

2011- what a year!

Happy New Year! Just sitting down to reflect on all that has happened over the past year. In January, I took a supervisor position at work, that required a great deal of travel. I have learned to pack quickly and light, and met with sales reps and clients in 14 states. It has been pretty stressful, but I have learned many new things and have also seen a lot of pretty scenery, that I would like to go back to enjoy when I am not working. In May, Lige and I celebrated 25 yrs of marriage- this man has been through so much with me and I don't express my love and appreciation enough. In June my youngest son, Matthew, married Hannah, a wonderful young woman. Looking forward to see where God leads them together. In August, my daughter Kaitlin started her first teaching job- 5th grade math and science. This has been a challenging year so far, but I know she is making a positive impact on the kids! In September, Lige and I took our first real vacation alone together ( since our honeymoon, that was not camping), visiting Washington D.C. and Philadelphia. Definately planning to do things like this more often while we are still young and healthy enough to walk that much, and can take advantage of the airline miles and hotel points I am earning with all this travel for work. After celebrating Christmas together, my sons Lige and Matthew, Hannah and their friends, Elliot, Melissa and Sean headed to Gabriel House ( an orphanage for special needs children in Mexico), to continue working on a documentary they started filming last year, and to help with the kids and some renovations to the facility. Praying they complete the work they started and travel home safely next week. They are hoping to get the film on JCTV ( they have someone that has said they will look at it) and would love to start a series. I was also able to take a trip to New Orleans last week with Kaitlin and my niece Libby, and sister-in-law Elsa. Had a fun time and feel so rested and unstressed now! Hoping I can keep this feeling when I go back to work this week; looking forward to what 2012 brings!