Happy New Year!

So thankful for new beginnings! For some reason a new year seems more of a clean slate, though I know each new day is a gift. Thankful for a God who gives s a second chance (and a third, 4th, 77th, etc....) when we rely on Him. Only problem is, people (including ourselves), are not always so forgiving. Praying that relationships will be healed this year, that love will be shown and accepted. Praying that doubt and worry, that hold me back, will subside. This fall our church started a one year bible reading program, I know my days have gone better when I have put this first each morning and spent time in prayer. Also enjoying daily devotional book "Jesus Calling" , that helps put things in perspective. For me, the hardest thing is consistency, as I lack self-disciple in many areas, including getting enough sleep, eating healthy, exercising, and work(too much)/relaxation(not enough)habits, and bible study, Praying for true, as i know these things will help improve my quality of live and relationships. Looking forward to what 2013 brings!

One step forward, two steps back....

On the one hand, I'm getting everything I always dreamed of... in December went back to New Orleans,  got promoted into position I've been working towards, and had almost given up hope. Payed off our credit cards and finally got my husband into house- fixing mode so we can sell it soon.  In May, watched my third, and youngest child graduate from college, then took a trip to Seattle for our anniversary. Proud of my kids for completing their education, and thankful they are working in the fields they have always wanted. New job allowing to be at home more, and finally losing a little weight due to not eating out all the time, or munching in hotel rooms. Time to play bunco, volunteer at church, or just do nothing.
On the other hand, I'm still stressed and tired, and am overwhelmed with all this new job involves. Hard for me to relax, with so much on my mind. It's been a month now, and still not excercising, even though it would help with the stress levels, my energy and my aging, bulging physique. Still not cooking much; and my husband can't keep living on Taco Bell alone after work, even though I am happy with a yogurt or soup.

 Got to remember that if "He brought me too it, He can get me through it". I do feel like I am right where God wants to me to be; and that his giving me my heart's desire. I knew there was going to be a big learning curve, but it is much harder than I thought. I know it is a process to learn it all, but WOW, hoping I am not feeling like this for 6 months.Thankful for a co-worker who had this position in the past, and is really helping me with some things,while she is overloaded herself in a new postition. It's that disciple thing coming up again, that I just can't seem to get.  Need to be making myself stop working after 10 hrs max, and take some time for myself and my husband. He works long hours and weekends as a grocery store manager; and I need to be focusing on him when he is home, not working constantly.

Trying to only think of today and do what I can and be satisified, and not worry about all the things on my to do list, that I don't really know how to do. Trying not to fret over how long it taking to work on the house, and worrying that we won't get what we want for it. Trying to not worry that we won't be able to find a house on a wooded lot that's not too far to get to sales appointments, church and family, AND that we can afford to pay off in 10 years, so we can be done before my husband is 65.  Then I worry that we will die young like both of our mother's, and all this work will be for naught.(Maybe we should just get a trailor by the lake).Trying not to worry about Matthew and Hannah in Guatemala for the summer, then moving to San Diego, where I will never see my future grandchildren. Trying not to worry about Kaitlin and Lige finding better jobs in the fall.

There, now I've said it... just when I thought I was satisified and not sweating the small stuff, and not being a worry wart.. here I go again! I guess He's still trying to teach this hard-headed woman something. It's still the one foot forward, two steps back progression of faith that everything will work out.

A Fresh Cup of Coffee

Why do I do it? Why, when I have a fresh pot of coffee right before me, do I keep reheating what's still in my cup- my own concoction? Adding a little, expecting it to be just as good. Do I do that in my spiritual life? Constantly diluting the plan of new life God has for me? Why can't I totally give up my old ways and quit trying to be in control all the time? Why won't I fully embrace the cup He wants to give me- listening and responding with obedience to what He tells me? Instead I have a sprinkle of bible study, not a daily priority and fight to focus on true worship and learning at church- sometimes falling into the habit of just " attending". Just food for thought, as you and I pour the next cup of coffee. Will we choose to drink in the full flavor of life the master barista has prepared for us today?

2011- what a year!

Happy New Year! Just sitting down to reflect on all that has happened over the past year. In January, I took a supervisor position at work, that required a great deal of travel. I have learned to pack quickly and light, and met with sales reps and clients in 14 states. It has been pretty stressful, but I have learned many new things and have also seen a lot of pretty scenery, that I would like to go back to enjoy when I am not working. In May, Lige and I celebrated 25 yrs of marriage- this man has been through so much with me and I don't express my love and appreciation enough. In June my youngest son, Matthew, married Hannah, a wonderful young woman. Looking forward to see where God leads them together. In August, my daughter Kaitlin started her first teaching job- 5th grade math and science. This has been a challenging year so far, but I know she is making a positive impact on the kids! In September, Lige and I took our first real vacation alone together ( since our honeymoon, that was not camping), visiting Washington D.C. and Philadelphia. Definately planning to do things like this more often while we are still young and healthy enough to walk that much, and can take advantage of the airline miles and hotel points I am earning with all this travel for work. After celebrating Christmas together, my sons Lige and Matthew, Hannah and their friends, Elliot, Melissa and Sean headed to Gabriel House ( an orphanage for special needs children in Mexico), to continue working on a documentary they started filming last year, and to help with the kids and some renovations to the facility. Praying they complete the work they started and travel home safely next week. They are hoping to get the film on JCTV ( they have someone that has said they will look at it) and would love to start a series. I was also able to take a trip to New Orleans last week with Kaitlin and my niece Libby, and sister-in-law Elsa. Had a fun time and feel so rested and unstressed now! Hoping I can keep this feeling when I go back to work this week; looking forward to what 2012 brings!

Fast Forward to 2011

Fast forward two years later- I am still reading blogs instead of doing what I need to be doing ( this time it is folding laundry and going to bed at a decent hour). Thought I would take a look at the last thing I posted, and things are different, yet the same. I actually had oatmeal this weekend, steel cut oats, made in a crockpot at the ladies retreat, and had commented to a friend on how I really liked it better than "instant". My last post mentions an upcoming job change ( which I enjoyed and was a rich learning experience). I have since been promoted, but wouldn't you know, as soon as I am finally feeling settled in and seem to be making progress with my sales team, I feel change coming again. The theme of the retreat this weekend was "Shine Your Light" and during our alone time, I had a chance to sit quietly in a wooded area and make some observations while conversing quietly with God. Some of things I was reminded of were how not only is Jesus the "light", but that God uses light to reveal truth to us ( though sometimes it is too bright to look at head on, and we may need sunglasses until we are ready), He leads us with light, shining it on the path before us, showing the way we should go. Sometimes light is temporarily hidden for a time; we may be in a dark place, hiding from God, or be listening to someone else ( or our negative selves), that keep us from hearing or seeing His will for us. It could be though, while the sun is less intense, that He is letting us rest in the place of contentment for a while, to recover from the last storm, preparing us for the future. When the wind picks up again, and the sun comes out from behind the clouds again, it is time to follow Him to a new place again....

Oatmeal and Rice....

The other night I was lying in bed, thinking about how the brown rice I had for dinner did not taste as good as usual. Then I realized that I had bought the “instant” version. I reminded myself that I don’t like instant oatmeal either. I prefer the chewiness of original brown rice and old fashion oatmeal, and I think they have a better flavor too. In my opinion, the quick cook types are mushy and watered- down. They do take longer to make, but to me, the results are worth it. I think these late night random thoughts are God’s way of trying to remind to not be in such a hurry all the time, always looking towards the future and expecting immediate results any time I make even the slightest change in my behavior. Next week I am finally transferring to a new position at work; one that I have wanted for a long time; one that finally feels right. I have had many interviews within my company in the two years since my supervisor job was eliminated, but none of them worked out, some for no apparent reason. Sometimes I think God puts roadblocks in place to keep us from jumping ahead and making the mistake of doing something out of his timing. For the past year and a half I have been feverishly trying to finish my Associates of Arts degree (that I started 25 years ago). I was looking forward to taking my final class this summer, but the class did not make due to not enough people signed up. I have also been struggling with whether I should spend the time a money transferring to UTD to complete my bachelor’s degree. Again, I think these circumstances were put in place by God, who knows so much more what I need, than what I think I desire. Now I will have a couple of months free to focus on learning a new job and be able to come home and relax instead of going to class or doing homework. It also allows me to spend some much-needed time with my husband, who also has a lighter schedule for a few months, due the training program he is in. I’m sure I will still be acclimating to my new job in the fall, since it is a big change, so taking only one class, at a normal pace will be a nice change. This schedule will also give me a few more months to work on our finances and decide if I should continue with school or not. It has been nice break form school, the last few weeks, but in reality I am bored. I have realized how accustomed I have become to filling every minute with activity, leaving little time for God or relationships with friends and family. I am slowing learning to slow down and enjoy life; the old- fashioned, original version that God had planned for me, not my “instant – I want change now” way of life. I am learning to enjoy the journey, or the “climb” as it is put in the Miley Cyrus song, learning what God wants to teach me along the way and to trust where he is leading me, not demanding to know what the future holds, or trying to create it myself.

Happy New Year!

I know this is a little late, but the year is getting happier. Some of you know that a few days after I made my first blog post, my mother was put in the hospital, and passed away 3 weeks later. It has been a tough six months, but is getting better. I have so much I need to write about.... having formulated stories of my experiences in my head over the past few months. I've just been busy with school and also could never get around to finding my password to blog..... I'm taking a break from school this summer, so I have plenty of free time on my hands. Stay tuned!